Lithuanian Men in the Forced Soviet Army
An Alien World – Longing for Home and Freedom
Letters
“The laws of ‘the Zone’ are quite strict. There are no thieves there. They are called ‘rats’ and are exterminated in the truest sense of the word. It’s not like in life – there is no grey line there. It’s all either black or white.”
Kaliningradas, 1983 m
“There are a couple of lines about my military life. The military service is going quite well. We are working at a construction place, that’s it. The weather here is not bad. It is raining continually. We are up to our knees in the mud. Everything is up to my ears. I am desperate for returning back home. When I have some free time, I would march from corner to corner not knowing what to do. Though a little more than a month have left, this time seems as an eternity to me. The time is just still here, not moving forward at all.”
“The 7th of November
I am trying to destroy the cult of power on which all relations in the army are based. There is nothing better as to find a common conversation with somebody. Till I went into the army I had thought that it’s enough to plug the ears, to close the eyes and just to somehow spend those two years. However, a human being is a living creature and now I realized that if you behave like that you would neither see nor hear in the future…”
“The 17th of December
There is minus forty outside. One shift in the tower (balcony) lasts for fifteen hours. The towers are without windows, supported by a single wall through which the wind could blow as straight across the sieve… These are the men who are silent, slow and made of steel. I have to be in charge of them. I cannot insult a Man. I just do not have any right for that. There is also a category that cannot be called men…”
“The 1st of April
The brighter the sun shines, the worse I feel. Once again, you realize where you are… My biggest dream is to cross all Lithuania barefoot.”
The 22nd of January
“The laws of ‘the Zone’ are quite strict. There are no thieves there. They are called ‘rats’ and are exterminated in the truest sense of the word. It’s not like in life – there is no grey line there. It’s all either black or white.”
“It’s already the second time when we are brought to guard. The last time (nearly straightaway after the oath) we got further from Klaipėda, in the forests. There I had to stand as a guard with a gun on my shoulder, loaded with 60 bullets. At that time, we guarded a park of tanks. You stood guard for two hours and four hours were free. The same cycle was repeated in 24 hours. […] At night you kept your gun on the chest and walked around the territory which needed to be guarded. During day time you stood in the tower. If somebody attacked you or the object, guarded by you, you had a right to shoot that person right away, without any warning. In a nutshell, the rights here are quite wide.”
“In my opinion, if I am not wrong, Christmas should be celebrated on the 25th. Therefore, soon it’s going to be New Year, so Mommy, try to spend those celebrations as cheerful as possible. Do not worry about me as I keep here quite well, though I wrote you that nearly every day I went on duty, but I got used to it, and now it’s ok, as you can get used to everything, therefore, you keep on living bit by bit. […] I do not need anything, I could even send you some coins, but now I need them myself as ‘Christmas’ and New Year are coming. I have got one hundred rubles, but here it would not be enough.”
“What else can I write about myself? As you know, everybody is seasick until one gets used to it. I was also sick. However, now I am used to it. You know we have a couple of 40-year-old men, undergoing a practical part of the service. It’s disheartening to see the way they throw up. I cannot believe that previously it was the same with me.”
“New Year is coming soon, the time flies fast, I would not wait long for the final point to come.”
“I daily go for rehearsals at 6 p.m. to the club in the white building that you have seen where I sing in the choir. Three of us were selected – me, one ‘barefoot’ (Azerbaijani) to sing and the other one to dance. So, we are going into such training up till the celebration of October where we will participate in concert Cocoвoй, then we will depart for Cepoв and Sverdlovsk. So, a couple of months would go like this, then in three weeks after the October celebration we will go for a check-up. By the way, we will go as civilians, we will change our clothes, they say they will sew costumes for the concert and maybe I will get a coat and shoes, could you believe? We are going there as workers as they need more people and they invited us for a check-up. You know, everything goes alright there, our leader is quite smart and energetic old woman. I have a joyful time there and can walk without any permits up till eleven at night or even later, depending on when we finish our rehearsals.”